With all the talking that happens in a day, you would think we should be the most eloquent of speakers, and the most fabulous of listeners, when really that couldn't be any further from the truth. Communication is one of the hardest things to master, you don't master it because you've had decades using it, or wisdom, it's something that you really have to work at every single day to become excellent at it. It isn't gender bias, and it's something that no one wants to admit that they suck at it, because it seems so obvious
Biggest complaints about communication are; that women talk too much, men wish that we would get to our point already, whereas women tend to complain about; not feeling heard, men not talking enough, and men with selective hearing.
Obviously this is another area that men and women, have differences on. I think because we assume that we're all good listener's we're overlooking a very pertinent piece of our relationships, lack of listening, and poor communication skills could be the demise of your relationship.
There is so much tied up in not only what a person says, but how they say it, also we all bring our own unique perspectives to the conversation as well. We all assume that we know what the other person has just said because, we are listening and running it through from our own perspective. You should never assume, or leave a conversation that you've just had with another person up to their assumptions alone as to what you've just said, being crystal clear here is very crucial.
We all go through different experiences in our lives which play a huge role in how we view things, how we've dealt with those experiences, or not dealt with them. Is anybody else seeing a new perspective, on communication?
My dad always used to say
"You were born with 2 ears, and 1 mouth for a reason, that's to listen twice as much as you talk!"
He also used to say "Don't believe anything that you hear, and only half of what you see." Words that have always stayed with me. Thanks Dad!!
So many times what you say isn't exactly what the other person hears, and because most of us don't qualify as mind readers, there is so much room for your words to become misconstrued. Tone and context, of how you say something is also very critical. Body language also plays a significant role in what you're trying to convey to the other person.
Texting, emailing, IM and any other form of social media, are a whole other animal onto themselves. The percentage of messages actually getting to the other person, in the exact context in which they were meant diminishes exponentially. I know of so many relationships that have meet their demise, simply because of counting on technology to accurately carry the message to the intended audience.
So is there a solution in breaking down the language barrier? The answer is a resounding YES, there is! Like anything else that is worthwhile, it's going to take effort and work on ALL parts and persons involved. The sooner we figure that out, the better that we become at being a partner and a friend. It will be reflected in all of your relationships.
We need to view communication with an open mind, and with a new found perspective, viewing it from the other persons perspective, trying to understand; why they are saying, what they are saying, and most importantly asking them. Never assuming!! Assuming about anything, is one of the worst things that you can ever do, simply ask the person, nobody expects mind reader's!!! Chances are, when you're busy assuming....you are getting it WRONG! You also shouldn't expect other people to assume, about what you mean, or what you're trying to convey either.
We have to learn how to be better listener's, that means that outside interruptions get turned off for awhile, that being your tv, cell phone, computer's, ipads anything that can be a distraction. When you actually put in a good effort you will see that it becomes so much easier.
Ladies we need to really think about what we are saying, learning that getting to your point faster, will save him the eye glazed over look, and really saying what we mean, no beating around the bush, being crystal clear about the real issue. Also 'how' you say it is huge, if you are laying blame or assigning guilt you're going to get nowhere fast, you wouldn't want to have that done to you either. Try looking at the issue from his perspective, no two people are exactly alike. Know that if your man is open to having a conversation with you, you've got the battle partially won regardless, and compromise don't be afraid of it. Listen to him, reiterate back to him using your own words and terms.
Now for the guys, running from, avoiding, or ignoring the issue is going to make your life a living hell. Women's biggest complaints are that they don't feel heard and you have to respect when she tells you how she 'feels'. You can never change how another person feels ever, that is theirs and theirs alone, so don't
There is nothing like the curve of a 'derriere' whether you are a woman or a man, there is nothing wrong with a well shaped, firm behind! I always had a smaller 'butt' which was ok, but I wasn't completely satisfied, and in reality that happens. I personally went on a mission to make it a little more shapely, I did get more of the shape I was hoping for, and I continue to work on my 'butt' as I do the rest of my body, regularly! So how do you accomplish the 'behind' you want? More muscle! I will tell you my personal favorite's "tried and true booty workouts" and no, it's not complicated or requiring a bunch of equipment, it does require a commitment, and some sweat equity to achieve the look you want. Yes men, this applies to you as well!
Your cute little 'bottom' is more than just that, it's made up largely of 3 different muscle groups;
Gluteus Maxmus- Which is the largest gluteus muscle, and one of the strongest muscles in your entire body. It's the muscle that is mostly responsible for the size, and shape of your 'booty'
Gluteus Medius- Covered by the gluteus maxmus.
Gluteus Minimus- The smallest of the gluteal muscle.
With all the popularity of fitness these days, you have so many new workouts coming out, and new ideas, the best ways to get your body, or certain body part to your liking. This is one case where I say, "use the basics". What I have found works best for the 'booty' is; basic squats and lunges. That sounds pretty simple, but proper form is essential, in getting full results and avoiding injury.
*Ladies, too reiterate..muscle will give you shape! Muscle won't make you look bulky, or like a man. Do not fear muscles!*
There are many different ways, and kinds of squats that you can do, but 'basic form' is what I like. I personally like to use a squat rack when I do squats, but you can also use dumbbell(s) if you'd like.
The proper squat, with a squat rack;
- First of all, especially if your legs aren't warmed up, start with lighter weight, and work your way up (I suggest a 5 minute warm up, on a treadmill before you start any workout)
-The weight bar, should rest on your shoulders comfortably
-Feet should be a little wider than your hips, or you can widen your stance a little wider, than that to really maximise your glutes . Whatever feels comfortable.
-*It's very important* to keep your spine straight, and everything aligned! Head forward, eyes looking straight ahead. Where you're looking, plays a huge part in your weight being balanced.
-Focus on keeping your form; shoulders back, chest out and stomach pulled to the spine.
-Squat down slowly, by moving your hips back, bending your knees until you're at a 90 degree angle, and come back up.
*Your knees shouldn't go past your toes.
*Make sure you have the proper weight, too much could cause serious knee or back injury!
*Be sure to focus on form, good form is key in any exercise. It's not about how fast, or how much weight you can use. To get the full benefit, form is the most important!
If you're using free weight(s) the form is the same, except you hold them straight out in front of you, when you squat.
You can do a lunge with no weight, or you can use free weights (those are the most common, but there are many variations).
-Start by standing up straight, shoulders back, chest up and head forward.
-Take a big step forward
-Lower your 'back knee' down, so it's almost touching the ground, (not all the way) and your front knee will naturally follow.
-Push off your back heal, to get back into the regular standing position.
*Make sure you are keeping your back straight, and not leaning forward!
*If you have knee problems, or are just starting out, you can take smaller steps, and that may help you out.
You can also us dumbbells, by holding them in each hand, and performing the lunge as normal.
*Ladies, to get the most out of your squat and lunges, add some weight to it. No it doesn't count if it's a bright colored 5 pound weight, that's wasting your time* I addressed the women, because there are still a lot of women that are scared of muscle and weights.
Both of these can easily be done at home, you don't necessarily need to use weights, but you could use anything around your house that has some weight, such as water bottles. No Excuses! I suggest 4-5 sets and 10-15 reps per set, to get the results you desire. You can also do little things, like taking the stairs. At the gym when using the treadmill, put the incline up to the highest level and walk or jog, I also love the stair machines, for working your ass...ets!
If the options I've said don't work for you, there are so many workouts you can do for your behind, to get it looking and feeling how you want it too.
Loving your body is largely mental, meaning no matter how much you change your body, or what size you're you will always have some part of you, that you don't "love" everyday, and that's natural. To feel better about myself, I decided to c
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